An appreciable trend observed within most of the submissions to the second conference is a higher baseline amount of effort to actually contextualize their ideas. I feel like it's a bit easier to actually learn from these papers, even though they're still shitposts.

An Incentive-Compatible Mechanism for all Settings: Chuck Norris

an actual explanation of what incentive-compatible mechanisms is, while also committing to the bit.

• Zane: 6
• Execution: 7.5
• Effort: 7.5
• Citations: 5
• Total: 6.5

A non-non-destructive strategy for proving P = NP

loving to see Tom Murphy VII making a reappearance and this time it's to try to destroy Turing Machines. Love the idea of the "stillborn ACM–NASCAR crossover Turing Machine 0x500." Other notable quotes:

The traditionally nondestructive nature of the Platonic universe compels us to forever recall our inconvenient mistakes. This is, frankly, some intolerable bullshit. Are Computers Scientists ready to admit that their thoughts are not powerful enough to undo their own other thoughts?

For example, I am currently imagining a mystical boomerang-like five-pointed Glaive weapon that has been rescued from a lava cave such as like in the 1983 heroic fantasy film Krull and which has the ability to chop up a Turing Machine’s big ol’ tape like superheated tungsten piano wire through a deciliter of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter brand butter-like spread.

• Zane: 7.5
• Execution: 8
• Effort: 8
• Citations: 3
• Total: 6.875

O(0) Algorithms and Other Applications of Time Travel

just an abstract hinting at the implications of time complexity when you allow for time travel.

• Zane: 5
• Execution: 5
• Effort: 3
• Citations: 0
• Total: 3.25

Towards a Frequentist’s Approach to Pascal’s Wager

"As we assume that everyone in heaven gets a free iPhone, and everyone in hell gets a Bluetooth Ouija Boards, we ensure that our hardware is compatible with both"

• Zane: 6

• Execution: 8.5

• Effort: 8.5

• Citations: 10

• Total: 8.25

Dolla Dolla Bill Y’all: Is There a Bias to the Orientation of Dollar Bills Put in the Coke Machine?

earnest posting

• Zane: 5
• Execution: 7.5
• Effort: 9
• Citations: 2
• Total: 5.875

Data Mining Disasters: a report

Mostly puns.

• Zane: 5
• Execution: 7.5
• Effort: 5
• Citations: 6
• Total: 5.875

Maximum-Jerk Motion Planning

optimizing for rudeness when considering derivatives of trajectories.

• Zane: 7
• Execution: 8
• Effort: 8
• Citations: 10
• Total: 8.25

Optimal Jerk Trajectories

references the handwaving logic from [SIGBOVIK 2007] to prove the optimal way to thwart an annoying person.

Fig. 2. The first Google Images result for 'optimal jerk trajectory.' Incidentally, also the first Google Images result for 'reaching to grasp the apparatus,' if you know what we mean. And we think you do.

• Zane: 6.5
• Execution: 7
• Effort: 6.5
• Citations: 9
• Total: 7.25

Slacking with Slack

a mathematical earnest post about how much you can goof off and still graduate

• Zane: 6
• Execution: 9
• Effort: 8
• Citations: 10
• Total: 8.25

World War C: The Rising Threat of Undead Code

an abstract pun on "zombie processes" caused by undead code

• Zane: 5
• Execution: 5
• Effort: 3
• Citations: 0
• Total: 3.25

Relentless Parallelism

typo-ridden joke about maximizing use of all processors on a machine.

• Zane: 5
• Execution: 5
• Effort: 9
• Citations: 5
• Total: 6

Provably Sound Orbital Mind Control Lasers

using captchas etc. to exploit human minds for valuable computation power.

• Zane: 8
• Execution: 6
• Effort: 6
• Citations: 10
• Total: 7.5

MADLIBS: The MArkov reDacted Letter Interpretation B. System

simple madlib inferer

• Zane: 7
• Execution: 6
• Effort: 9
• Citations: 7
• Total: 7.25

Igpay Atinlay inway Igpay Atinlay: ethay igpay atinlay ictionaryday orjectpay

the whole thing is in pig latin

• Zane: 5
• Execution: 10
• Effort: 7
• Citations: 5
• Total: 6.75

SOCIO-ECONOMIC FACTORS AND AUTOMATED STATISTI AL ANALYSIS OF THE LOLCAT LANGUAGE!!!1!

socioeconomic factors is a stretch, just a shitpost about I can has cheezeburger

Note: We do not consider people using computers in public places such as schools, offices, or libraries, because this would render our proof invalid.

• Zane: 5
• Execution: 5
• Effort: 7
• Citations: 5
• Total: 5.5

General Case Rendering from Occurring Instances

shitpost about misunderstanding what was required by an "abstract" from a student of 'carnage melon' university.

• Zane: 6.5
• Execution: 4
• Effort: 4
• Citations: 6
• Total: 5.125

Objectivist Conceptual Dependency

riffing on capitalism and HFT

One cautionary tale was provided by our medical triage project at Johns Hopkins Hospital. At one point in the project, the system diverted resources from the neonatal intensive care unit to the more profitable Gates/Buffet Severed Head Cryosuspension Ward. While this was the economically proper decision, care should be taken to educate doctors and patients beforehand about the basic principles of capitalism.

• Zane: 6.5
• Execution: 9
• Effort: 7
• Citations: 10
• Total: 8.125

A Focused Approach To Focus on Focusing

appropriately brief, and internally consistent. Formalizing a shitpost idea in the confines of academic context.

• Zane: 7
• Execution: 9
• Effort: 6
• Citations: 5
• Total: 6.75

This Is Spinal Type APplication

idek what's going on here. Semantic logic over my head, but it builds up to a meme about obo omega which is good

• Zane: 10
• Execution: 9
• Effort: 9
• Citations: 0
• Total: 7

Physics-Based Modeling of Operating Systems

humorous comparison of operating systems

The first operating system we consider is Fedora linux. Following the lead of the Catholic church and the illustrious emacs, Red Hat linux separated into two branches in 2003.

• Zane: 6
• Execution: 7
• Effort: 7
• Citations: 2
• Total: 5.5

Automatic Citation [McCann 2008]

a shitpost about the need for including citations from your reviewers work in order to get your paper approved which results in papers filled with citations rather than content.

• Zane: 7
• Execution: 10
• Effort: 9
• Citations: 10
• Total: 9

Optimal censor placement in wireless censor networks"

• Zane: 7
• Execution: 10
• Effort: 9
• Citations:0
• Total: 6.5

Expanded Exposure of Bipedal Robots to Everyday Phenomena

robot simulations versus stairs, sinkholes, and pendulums

• Zane: 6
• Execution: 8
• Effort: 7
• Citations: 9
• Total: 7.5

Yo Γ Γ!: a Pedagogical Proposal

teaching lambda calculus via television show.

• Zane: 6
• Execution: 7
• Effort: 6
• Citations: 10
• Total: 7.25

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