The organizers really started getting saucy in the margins in this one, referring to the '08 recession as "The Great Depression 2.0"

"We also had a tragic first for SIGBOVIK: the first paper rejected due to an ethical violation. Zachary Anderson’s submission, entitled “Plagiarism,” was found, upon review, to be a cheap rip-off of Christina Dinwoodie’s submission, entitled “Plagiarism.” This disaster might have gone unnoticed had reviewer Christina Dinwoodie not noticed the dastardly act in her review of Zachary Anderson’s submission. We sadly acknowledge this milestone as the unfortunate side effect of a conference that is increasing in relevance and importance."

I also quite like that some reviews are included after the submissions. Very Pale Fire-esque in their irrelevant humor.

"Reflections on Bovik’s Seminal Work: 'Professional Student’s Strategy for Perpetual Funding at CMU'"

short and sweet

• Zane: 6
• Execution: 10
• Effort: 5
• Citations: 10
• Total: 7.75

"Professional Student's Strategy for Perpetual Funding at CMU"

Harry Bovik's own proposal for perpetual funding. Hot damn

• Zane: 7
• Execution: 10
• Effort: 8
• Citations: 10
• Total: 8.75

"GLADLIBS: Google-Licensed Auto-Deredatation-Lumination Input-Based System"

correctly cites previous Madlibs related work covered in SIGBOVIK 08

"We would like to thank James T. McCann and Ronit Y. Slyper for providing us with access to their redacted documents for comparison."

• Zane: 6
• Execution: 8
• Effort: 6
• Citations: 10
• Total: 7.5

"MapReuse and MapRecycle : Two More Frameworks for Eco-Friendly Data Processing"

References work from SIGBOVIK '07 on Cycle Depletion and Compacting, composting garbage collection.

• Zane: 7
• Execution: 6
• Effort: 6
• Citations: 10
• Total: 7.25

"Plagiarism"

• Zane: 9
• Execution: 10
• Effort: 9* (technically zero)
• Citations: 10
• Total: 9.5

"Historical Approaches to History-Independent Histories"

A study of datastructures who's forensic memory footprint is independent of any actual usage of the data structure s.t. no information about it that wouldn't also be available via the specified API can be accessed via forensics. This is useful for cooking the books.

"testifying 'I cannot recall' is a valid solution owing to limitations on current mind-reading technology."

Author cites his own actual PhD thesis lol, as well as the paper itself which is very meta for a history-independent paper.

• Zane: 7.5
• Execution: 8
• Effort: 8
• Citations: 10
• Total: 8.375

"The One True Coding Style"

In which James McCann stumbles across a Hebrew tablet with instructions about the one true

"Reviewer 1: This paper is blasphemous. It purports to talk about the one true language, but the language is clearly identifiable as C++. We all know that SML, not C++, was handed down by God."

"@Review 1- The Nazis used SML."

• Zane: 9
• Execution: 10
• Effort: 10
• Citations: 3
• Total: 8

"A Categorical Primer"

A bunch of comics about Category Theory

• Zane: 5
• Execution: 9
• Effort: 6
• Citations: 0
• Total: 5

"A System for Unbiased Computer Animation evaluaTion (C.A.T)"

Measuring the quality of an animation based on the attentiveness of a C.A.T

• Zane: 5
• Execution: 5
• Effort: 5
• Citations: 0
• Total: 3.75

"Generalized Hamantaschen with Spectral Nourishment Analysis"

analysis for analyzing the content of tasty Jewish snacks

• Zane: 7
• Execution: 7
• Effort: 7
• Citations: 10
• Total: 7.75

"A Comparative Photographic Analysis of Pittsburg(h): From Yesteryear to Today; From Old to Knew .. oops that was a typo. I CLEARLY meant the other knew with an 'N', you know 'ν' uh I mean 'new'..."

• Zane: 5
• Execution: 6
• Effort: 6
• Citations: 10
• Total: 6.75

"The Edible Logical Framework"

• Zane: 8
• Execution: 8
• Effort: 8
• Citations: 10
• Total: 8.5

"An Overcomplete Representation for Motion Capture Compression"

Thoughtfully includes some graphs for people who are reading the paper upside down

• Zane: 9
• Execution: 8
• Effort: 7
• Citations: 10
• Total: 8.5

"AutoTALK: An Automatic Presentation Graphical Toolkit"

• Zane: 5
• Execution: 5
• Effort: 5
• Citations: 0
• Total: 3.75

"The CRUD Methodology"

Creating Rubbish Using Developers(CRUD)

"Few have tackled programming processes for software that doesn’t work and isn’t meant to. In the remainder of this paper, we present Creating Rubbish Using Developers(CRUD)"

shades of my own.

• Zane: 7
• Execution: 8
• Effort: 7
• Citations: 10
• Total: 8

"High-Assurance Web Programming with Coq Rock!"

raising the barriers to entry of web applications to restore sanctity to Web 2.0

"With Coq in hand, let us return to the days of real programming, when a single missed semicolon would send the rocket spiraling into the surface of Mars."

• Zane: 8
• Execution: 9
• Effort: 9
• Citations: 10
• Total: 9

"How to teach the kids logical frameworks with video arcade"

Infinite Jest but for LF

• Zane: 9
• Execution: 10
• Effort: 9
• Citations: 0
• Total: 7

"Lucky Charms or Lucky Harms?"

• Zane: 6
• Execution: 6
• Effort: 6
• Citations: 0
• Total: 4.5

"Choose Your Own Logic Adventure"

'Every century or so, you begin to ask, “Is this an allegory for someth—” but are interrupted by the sound of an AWT manual slapping across the backside of your head.'

– shades of Calvino

• Zane: 8
• Execution: 10
• Effort: 10
• Citations: 10
• Total: 9.5

"The Words of Warcraft"

• Zane: 4
• Execution: 5
• Effort: 4
• Citations: 10
• Total: 5.75

"Accelerating Program Performance ?"

Extending the duration of the second-unit to be one (1) second and exploiting relativity for faster compile times.

"This shit is for serious [3]."

• Zane: 10
• Execution: 8
• Effort: 7
• Citations: 10
• Total: 8.75

"Typesafe Government: Progress and Preservation"

abstract about the slow-moving vehicle of democracy

• Zane: 6
• Execution: 6
• Effort: 0
• Citations: 0
• Total: 3

"Focused drunken logic"

Refers to Jack Daniels coffee as "ambrosia"

• Zane: 6
• Execution: 6
• Effort: 6
• Citations: 10
• Total: 7

"Poop Search in Laxative Logic"

• Zane: 7
• Execution: 3
• Effort: 3
• Citations: 10
• Total: 5.75

"A Static Analysis of Post-PhD Careers"

• Zane: 5
• Execution: 5
• Effort: 5
• Citations: 10
• Total: 6.25

"Arkan∞id: Breaking Out of a Finite Space"

For all we know, 58 billion years might be an infinite amount of time. I have not yet been able to prove otherwise.

• Zane: 7.5
• Execution: 10
• Effort: 7
• Citations: 0
• Total: 6.125

"smart(CS) if and only if (“iff”) smart(human) "

• Zane: 5
• Execution: 5
• Effort: 5
• Citations: 10
• Total: 6.25

"Using Network Analytics in Agent Networks to Predict Cyber Attacks"

• Zane: 3
• Execution: 5
• Effort: 5
• Citations: 7
• Total: 5

"Godot’s Incompleteness Theorem: An Introspective"

Keywords existentialism, dirty frenchmen, ennui, internet science

• Zane: 7
• Execution: 4
• Effort: 4
• Citations: 0
• Total: 3.75

"Inexpensive Real-Time Ray Tracing"

• Zane: 7
• Execution: 7
• Effort: 7
• Citations: 10
• Total: 7.75

"C’mon baby: Let’s get together"

Are you with him because he has a large penis? ’cause, Girl, look at my ride. Yeah, that’s it out there locked to the meter. Yeah it’s a bike. A cheap bike. I’m just saying I got nothing to compensate for.

• Zane: 8
• Execution: 10
• Effort: 10
• Citations: 10
• Total: 9.5

"An Old Contemporary Analysis of /w/"

• Zane: 7
• Execution: 7
• Effort: 6
• Citations: 10
• Total: 7.5

"Reviews of Paper #351: Sub-modular Density Functions for Robot Control"

• Zane: 6
• Execution: 8
• Effort: 8
• Citations: 5
• Total: 6.75

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