we explicitly state that the tracks have been ordered alphabetically from good to non-good.

An Eschatological Approach: The Four Horsemen of Computer Science

• zane: 6
• effort: 4
• execution: 8
• citations: 10

World Domination Through the Use of a Graphical Reduction of the Six Degrees of Separation Concept with Potential Robot Design for Mode of Implementation

• zane: 6
• effort: 4
• execution: 4
• citations: 10

Food for Thought: Dining Philosophers

3-SAT but it's a menu

• zane: 4
• effort: 2
• execution: 2
• citations: 10

Higher-Order Generalized Algebraic Pizzas

Observe that I’m not white and I’m ~~not~~ very used to eating curry, so I can’t actually tell the difference between the different kinds.

• zane: 8
• effort: 8
• execution: 10
• citations: 10

Lollipops and Lemma Drops

Observe that logically, m&m ≡ m. This is easy to prove, whether & refers to the ordinary “and” of classical and intuitionistic logics or the hipper and more modern “with” of the 1980’s power-ballad linear logic.

• zane: 7
• effort: 7
• execution: 8
• citations: 10

Algorithms for k/n Power-Hours

ALSO WE ARE DRINKING RIGHT NOW AND THIS PAPER WAS COMPLETED IN ONE HOUR

reasons for keeping the rules atomic and simple:

A more compelling reason is that humans in a state of ever-increasing inebration probably cannot remember whether or not they drank last time due to impaired reasoning abilities

• zane: 8
• effort: 10
• execution: 10
• citations: 10

The Letter

weird track...

• zane: 6
• effort: 6
• execution: 8
• citations: 0

Proof of P = NP

played out

• zane: 2
• effort: 2
• execution: 0
• citations: 0

An Epistolary Reconstruction of the Curry-Howard Correspondence

played out

• zane: 5
• effort: 6
• execution: 4
• citations: 10

The Kardashian Kernel

Figure 3: Kurvature of the optimization manifold

and it's just matplot lib over Kim's ass

Our work suggests the monetization of research via branding: for instance, in exchange for a significant monetary compensation, we suggest that the NIPS and ICML insist upon the convention of referring to "Tikhov regularization" as "Jamie Lee Curtis regularization" sponsored by Activia Yogurt :tm:

• zane: 10
• effort: 10
• execution: 8
• citations: 10

The Spineless Tagless Tweet Machine

in a footnote lol:

For this reason, “tagless” is inaccurate. “Spineless” also is inaccurate.

• zane: 7
• effort: 5
• execution: 4
• citations: 10

SIGBOVIK 2012 Take-Home Midterm Examination

McCann just gave em an exam, what a flex

• zane: 5
• effort: 10
• execution: 10
• citations: 0

The National Month Of Pushing Spacebar

That don’t make no sense, sugar, which is to say that it does not make sense.

• zane: 8
• effort: 10
• execution: 10
• citations: 10

What Most Medical Students Know About Computer Science

lol, might be the highest variance rating of any submission

• zane: 10
• effort: 0
• execution: 10
• citations: 0

Modeling Perceived Cuteness

Done before more offensively in previous submissions

• zane: 6
• effort: 8
• execution: 6
• citations: 0

i-PHONE app stor :

what?

• zane: 2
• effort: 2
• execution: 4
• citations: 0

An Extensible Platform for Upwards and Sidewards Mobility

literally a sliding platform

• zane: 4
• effort: 2
• execution: 2
• citations: 10

A modern optimizing compiler for a dynamically typed programming language: Standard ML of New Jersey (preliminary report)

• zane: 10
• effort: 10
• execution: 10
• citations: 10

Programming Language Checklist

• zane: 8
• effort: 10
• execution: 10
• citations: 0

Cryptographically-Strong Hashing with Physics

Once the simulation has been run, the final 24-byte hash is constructed by reading back the computed position, angle, velocity, and angular velocity of each body (all stored as 4- byte floats) and xor-ing the values together, rotating the hash by one byte as each body is read.

• zane: 10
• effort: 10
• execution: 10
• citations: 10

The Physics-Based Hashes of Twelve Really Good Ideas

demonstrates why this is annoying ig, offering motivation for subsequent submissions

• zane: 2
• effort: 0
• execution: 0
• citations: 0

A modest proposal for the purity of programming

If you dislike covariant generics, you should mourn that we will seriously be stuck with Java’s covariant arrays until the heat death of the universe. If you do like covariant generics, you are wrong, but nevertheless you should mourn that we will seriously be stuck with Java’s invariant generics until the heat death of the universe.

actually educational:

One view of the patent system is that it is a deal the public makes with an inventor. Patents must provide enough information so that a skilled person can carry out the claimed invention—this is called the sufficiency of disclosure requirement. So, a patent gives you 20 years when you have absolute control over who is allowed to use your invention, but this awesome power comes at a cost—you basically guarantee that, in 20 years, everybody is going to be able to use your invention. Furthermore, because patents are published right away, you give everybody else a head start on innovating further based on your ideas—and if someone else comes with an innovation that’s awesome enough, they can get a brand new patent that you can’t use. And Science advances! If you don’t want to give your good ideas to anybody else right away and/or if you think you could keep your awesome secret a secret for more than 20 years, then it’s to your advantage as an inventor not to make this trade, and have your invention be a trade secret rather than a patented invention.

lol:

I mean, we tried to come up with a bad idea a couple of years ago [8], and then we learned at the ICFP in Baltimore that Milner had actually come up with the same bad idea in one of the early ML implementations, before replacing it with the less dumb idea later on.

• zane: 10
• effort: 10
• execution: 10
• citations: 10

Preparation-Hom as the ideal completion of a Hemorrhoidal category

category theoretic goatse

• zane: 10
• effort: 6
• execution: 10
• citations: 10

A Randomized Commit Protocol for Adversarial - Nay, Supervillain - Workloads

category theoretic goatse

• zane: 10
• effort: 10
• execution: 10
• citations: 10

Address space content randomization: exploit mitigation through data randomization

1. Load instructions are robustly replaced by random numbers.
2. Store instructions are removed, as they leak information

lol:

We use libc’s rand function to generate random numbers, reseeding it with the time at the start of every program. This eases debugging, as programmers can reproduce bugs by resetting their system clock each time they run software with dynamic ASCR.

• zane: 10
• effort: 8
• execution: 8
• citations: 10

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